(I’m posting this on Christmas Eve, 2016. I’m not sure why….May it guide you to reach out to someone who may need some extra love this holiday. We are so blessed to be with family this year. And we are saddened as we know several families who are celebrating this Christmas as their last – due to cancer – with loved ones.)
I was a rising Senior in college. I had so much going for me, yet I felt a black hole in my heart or being. I can’t really describe it any better, but that is what I felt. I was working to support myself, having lived on my own for two years. My dad was an alcoholic and gambler, but yet, he believed in Jesus. He was a functioning alcoholic but he could not help me live away from home while I went to college. I had to take out a loan for my tuition, but paid my own living expenses.
I was pretty mixed up in high school with all the drama in our family. But I knew how to put on a good appearance. It took me two years in college to “grow up” and find my niche. I decided I would go into some sort of Criminal Justice field. I wasn’t sure what, but I excelled in the courses related to the field. I was excelling in my grades my Junior year and was selected as one of six out of 40 applicants to work over the summer in a Police Department. This was such a huge accomplishment. It looked like I had the world by the tail!
I was waitressing in a bar in downtown Norfolk, a haven for sailors. But this particular bar attracted a different clientele, for one, many college students. Suddenly, a man that was to old for college became a customer. He began to tip me pretty heavily after he heard how I was supporting my self while attending college. I guess I was a sucker. Eventually, he invited me to his apartment for a party after I got off of work at 2 am. While I worked that late, I did usually go home and go to bed, but it was a weekend so why not? He had been tipping me so good after all. I don’t really remember much about the party. It didn’t take much for me to become drunk and I must have passed out. I woke the next morning and didn’t really know where I was. But I was alone and the apartment was filthy with ashtrays, empty beer and booze bottles, and girlie magazines.
I was disgusted with myself. How did I stoop this low? It was so depressing and I thought I had just ruined my life. This guy had been talking about something big going down and it sounded like a criminal activity. I went to the big picture window and looked to see if I could open it and jump out! That’s how badly I felt. I wanted to end my life! This wasn’t the first time, but on this day, I was ready to end it.
Fortunately, the window didn’t open. It was a beautiful day, the sky pure blue. I looked towards the heavens and declared,
God I believe in you. But who is Jesus?”
Within a minute there was a knock at the door. I peaked through the peep hole and saw two young ladies, their faces just glowing. In unison, they asked,
Have you thought about Jesus today?”
I unlocked the door and pulled them inside and told them I just asked God who Jesus was. Without much fanfare, they said God had directed them to my very door! I was in a tri-tower apartment complex with 16 floors in each and 4 doors per floor. They were street witnessing and prayed for God to give them a divine appointment. They really weren’t suppose to cross over (using an underpass) a major highway, they were to stay downtown. But it looked empty so they just prayed, looked up and saw the tri-towers. Once they got there, they prayed which one to enter. Then they prayed which floor, then they prayed which door. They knocked on my door at the perfect time!
Needless to say, they shared the Gospel of Jesus to me. One of them had been a prostitute in Ft. Lauderdale. She was a runaway, but then was saved when this street witnessing ministry came to town and someone shared the gospel with her. She accepted Jesus and left her life of sin behind and now loves the Lord. The other was the daughter of an evangelist who was there to experience the Living God!
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Isaiah 12:5
They invited me to attend the tent revival meeting that night after they prayed with me. I accepted Jesus (as an adult) and became born again. I had actually asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9, but the drama in my parents lives only had us in and out of church, so I never really grew to know the Lord. And that was why there was that hole in my heart…I think the path I was on was leading me so far from the Lord, it was now or never before I self destructed.
Many others who are rescued from suicide, ask, “Why did God spare me?” I didn’t ask, I just had FAITH:
I have a blogging friend, Julie Sheppard to thank for sharing her story here. Please read it and know that I took these notes from her post and we besiege you, if you are depressed or fell hopeless:
“Call someone. Get help. Please do not give up. I may not know you but you are in my prayers and I pray you find the love of Jesus and the strength and comfort He has for you.
“The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness. 1-800-273-8255 website http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
“If you’re thinking about suicide, please read Suicide Help or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in the U.S.! To find a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit IASP or Suicide.org.
“Always remember that there are phone numbers that you can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, from any location in the United States:
1-800-273-TALK / (1-800-784-2433) (1-800-273-8255)
“This is only a short list of where you can find help whether you are the one who is struggling or you think you may know someone who needs help please get the help that you need and please do it before it is too late. I know my life choices have been far from right too many times and that I survived but I know that if I try again I won’t survive again. Life is precious please don’t give up because you are precious and nothing can replace you in this world.”